Gifts for Grads

For those of you who expect me to discuss a certain bit of news, know that I made a promise concerning coverage of that particular topic earlier this month and I intend on stick­ing to it. Those of you as out-of-the-loop as I would be under normal circum­stances can be reassured that it's nothing terribly earth- shattering.

Now that that's out of the way, and I have nothing else to share about my week, I'd like to offer a few com­pletely unqualified words of advice concerning gradua­tion gifts. I've never actu­ally been a graduate myself, but I know a lot of seniors and have found myself do­ing quite a bit of shopping lately. Here's my collected wisdom: Get the graduate in your life something they'll ac­tually use. Towels, a set of microwave-safe dish­es, and caffeine pills are all good ideas. That nice monogrammed stationary, on the other hand, is prob­ably going to end up as a coaster. With rare exceptions, no matter how nice a cologne you buy for your graduate in the hopes that he'll stop wearing Axe, he'll still end up wearing Axe. They make all kinds of bizarre alarm clocks these days. Some squirt the sleeper. Others shoot small rockets off into the room. Still others hop off the nightstand and dart around making loud noises until deactivated. Just brain­storming. Use gift cards strategi­cally. A gift card in a small amount for a large depart­ment store like Macy's is good for that third cousin in Toluca. But if you're spending bigger bucks on someone you know well, put that money to work for you. If they're going to school in the Yukon Territory and they're the sort of person who's not going to spend any of their precious Starbucks bud­get on a decent coat, get them a gift card to REI. If they're moving into their own apartment and you're worried about their eating habits, try a gift card to an organic grocer. A gift card to a college's bookstore would be especially ap­preciated, and any skimpy t-shirts purchased with that money will at least be licensed collegiate ones. And if you could find them a gift card for a semester's tuition, they will never for­get your birthday as long as you live. If your graduate is col­lege bound, learn the loca­tion and give accordingly. Those bound for a large, unfamiliar city might ap­preciate a GPS. Those bound for Pullman might appreciate Segways - or at least comfortable shoes. Those who serendipitously tested into a top college may appreciate a thesaurus just so they know what everyone else is saying. And those lucky ducks go­ing to college in Hawaii? Give them flowered shirts - or they may be kicked off campus. And, of course, you need to send a card. The best grad­uation card I ever saw said "Son, we're very proud of you, so we want to give you a little something for your wallet." The inside read, "Our phone num­ber." There was a small detachable orange card with said parental contact information. Underneath, it said "You're welcome." The parents would sign under that. My guess is that, however indignant the recipients of this card may have been upon opening it, those little orange cards are destined to see quite a bit of use over the years.