EMMA PHILBROOK: STUDENT LIFE

I 've never been much of an athlete. You can ask any of my classmates. It took me seven years to beat the sit-up count I had in the first grade.

When I played tag, I frequently got told stuff like, "Emma, we both know you're never going to catch me." When we ran in PE and the teacher asked if someone would like to race me, somebody said, "Sure, I'll jog."

They weren't trying to be mean. It's just the truth.

I tell people that all my muscles are in my brain. This satisfies most folks, perhaps because my brain is a dark, twisty place and nobody's terribly keen on the notion of poking around in there for my missing biceps. Some people bench weights, I bench books. Long books. Archaic books. Books where the author was so busy with symbolism that he or she neglected that minor detail called "plot". And I have fun.

Some people wonder how I feel about a certain combination of literature and athletics - namely, the sports page of the newspaper. I don't understand sports, but I'll do anything for reading material. In short, I like it - kind of - but only when it talks about something I'm vaguely familiar with, like my high school's football team.

Behold, readers, the evolution of my relationship with the sports page:

Me in Kindergarten: "Ooh, Mom, who are these funny-looking guys in the newspaper? Football players? If it's football, why do they have it in their hands?"

Me in 1st Grade: "Ooh, look, football players! Are they from Waitsburg? Seattle? If they're from Seattle, what are they doing in the Waitsburg paper? This is the Walla Walla paper, you say? Why are we getting the Walla Walla paper? We live in Waitsburg!"

Me in 3rd Grade: "Hey, look, that's us! We're the Cardinals! And it says we got 'flounced'! That's a good thing, right? Flounced? Well, it sounds like it should be a good thing."

Me in 5th Grade: "Hey, check it out! That guy in the picture came into our class one day to talk about his senior project! I know that guy!"

Me in 7th Grade: "Wow-ee! This guy they write all the articles about is my P.E. teacher's assistant! I see him every day! And he's, like, our best player!"

Me in 9th Grade: "Hey, you see that guy in all these pictures? I pass him on my way to the band room every morning. And that guy who gets all the tackles was in my Ag Science class. And see these two that had all those assists? They're freshmen, too!"

Me in 10th Grade: "Some of these people they're writing about are in my class. Ooh, like that guy! And they're saying all these awesome things about them. My goodness, I know these people!"

Me in 11th Grade: "Wow, all these people are in my class! This guy who got all the touchdowns sits behind me in A.P. United States History - and he was so funny when he read the Federalist Papers aloud in a British accent! And this other guy was my research partner in English class! And, ooh, the quarterback and I sat at the same table in second period for two weeks! Yeesh, how close to the action can you get?"

12th Grade: "Sighhellip;dear mehellip; that's my little brother."