Serving Waitsburg, Dayton and the Touchet Valley
Serving Waitsburg, Dayton and the Touchet Valley
A round the holidays, parodies of "The Twelve Days of Christmas" are a dime a dozen. But for lack of more mirthful inspiration (and with my tirade on snow-day quotas censored by the powers that be), here goes nothing. Ahem hem hem: On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
A six-man ja-cu-zzi!
On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Two golden duckies for the six-man ja-cu-zzi!
On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Three trash cans to put alongside the six man ja-cu-zzi!
(Seriously, honey? Trash cans?)
(You're going to have a lot of wrapping paper laying around for the next nine days, dear. I thought it best to be prepared.)
On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Four application fee waivers so that I didn't have to dip into my checking account or sell the six-man ja-cu-zzi!
(Heavens me, that meter is horrendous. SECRETARY! YOU'RE FIRED!)
On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
CAT-CLAW-PROOF SOCKSTOWEARWHILESLEEPING! ®
And some cat repellant for the trash cans, two golden duckies, and the sixman ja-cu-zzi!
(If you can't tell, my cats haven't been much for the "Goodwill to Man" aspect of the holidays. Especially in the morning when they're hungry.)
On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Six chocolate cakes, CAT-CLAWPROOF SOCKSTOWEARWHILESLEEPING! ®, No-ote to-oo self, don't spray cat repellant on the cake 'cuz it tastes really, really yuck-y!
On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Seven tons of pudding, six chocolate cakes, CAT-CLAW-PROOF SOCKSTOWEARWHILESLEEPING! ®, and a new re-fridg-er-a-tor to accommodate all the left-ov-er cake and pud-ding!
On the eighth day of Christmas, my true love game to me
Eight kits for quilting, seven spools of cotton, six bolts of fabric, CAT-CLAWPROOF SOCKSTOWEARWHILESLEEPING! ®, and the other i-tems which I might find necessary to sew a hu-uge blankie for meeeee!
On the ninth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Nine different lawyers with degrees from Harvard helping me to sue the makers of the so-called CAT-CLAWPROOF SOCKSTOWEARWHILESLEEPING! ® 'Cuz if you can't tell by all these scratches on my feet, they void the implied war-rant-tee!
On the tenth and eleventh days of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Extra column space, which didn't work out with the paper's layout, so blah blah JA-CU-ZZI!
On the twelfth day of Christmas, my tr -
Aw, forget about it. I'm not even dating.
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