Emma Philbrook: STUDENT LIFE

It’s been one of those days.

After wasting two cups of good pecans on a batch of gritty pralines, I discovered that one of my college applications is missing some components – in other words, that it is still bound and determined to kill me with a stress-induced apoplexy.

It’s days like these, remarkably, when I make the most progress on my recreational writing projects. Anyone who has ever had more than two undertakings go sour within forty-five minutes of each other can appreciate the appeal of an alternate reality. So I’ll hammer away at overly clichéd science-fiction novels and add a few pages to lame locked-room mysteries. I find it very therapeutic.

I understand that not everybody is quite as fond of fiction as yours truly. However, I firmly believe that anyone can benefit from the mood-boosting properties of the written word using a free, simple tool – search-engine translators.

These devices, which are available on search sites (www.google.com/translate or http://www.bing.com/translator) are normally used for what you would expect them to be used for – translating things from one language into another. However, they aren’t perfect, and this imperfection is an excellent mood-booster.

My two personal favorite translator games are “United Nations Telephone” and “Japanese Ping-Pong.” They never fail to produce gut-busting results.

United Nations Telephone involves taking a passage and Google Translating it from English to another language – say, Spanish. Then translate it to a third language from Spanish, and to a fourth language from the third, and so on until you can’t bear the suspense anymore, at which point you translate back to English.

Just to give you an idea of what you’re in for, we’ll use a paragraph from Ken Graham’s “Happy 2015!” column last week:

“It has been a great pleasure to help bring news and information to our readers in Walla Walla and Columbia County for the past two years. (And let me not forget the many readers around the country who read The Times to keep up with what we’re doing here.) It’s a privilege to be able to provide a voice for what’s happening in the Touchet Valley.” (I feel the same way, folks. I’ll miss you guys when I leave for college.)

Translated through fifteen different tongues (in honor of 2015), it reads:

“Indeed, from Colombia and readers Vaul Vaul news and information on the area in the last two years. (Please see sometimes people read it and read it here.) This is why Touchet Valley, and can provide sound is right.”

Note to Translator: “Sound” is most definitely not “right”.

Japanese Ping-Pong can yield even funnier results. Translate the passage of your choice to Japanese, then to English, then back again. After about five rounds of this, your message will read something like:

“This, the last two years, in Columbia County, with the help of the leader of the Walla Walla news and information and some, has become a major joy. , This valley, in order to enable it (and our,,, let’s not forget the many readers of. Times, How to Please read in order to catch up to do here in country ), it is it is one is a particular voice of privilege you have, the middle what Touchet happening but offers”

Has become a major joy, folks. Sayonara!