Counterproductive Cross-Stitch

Every now and then, this column will feature instructions for an activity I find interesting. Right now, I’m particularly interested in counted cross stitch, which is a simple, relaxing form of embroidery that results in a satisfying thunk noise as the stitch tightens against the taut fabric. So I thought I’d include some instructions on how to get started on your own sampler.

But then I remembered that there is more than one way to have fun with cross-stitch. For example, you might be a cat. Cats enjoy this pastime in their own unique way, which egocentric, insensitive humans consider to be “counterproductive.”

And so, in fairness to both species, here is an all-inclusive guide to the pleasures of cross-stitching.

Humans should start with Aida cloth (this can be purchased at any craft store in a wide variety of sizes and colors) and a pattern. The pattern will contain information as to what colors of embroidery floss will be necessary. In addition, you’ll need a needle and embroidery hoop – the latter, while not an absolute necessity, makes the cloth easier to handle. Scissors are also handy.

Cats do not need to provide any supplies of their own.

Novice humans will notice that the embroidery floss comes in long hanks. It is easiest to work with about a yard at a time. Simply cut off as much as you need. Embroidery floss is made up of six distinct strands; separate two of these out and thread the needle with them. Save the remaining four for later.

Novice cats will notice that the human is working with string.

Aida cloth is basically a grid of coarse fabric strands, loosely woven so as to leave holes. The basic human unit of cross-stitch is done as follows: Bring the thread up through a hole, then down through the hole diagonally to the lower left. Bring it up through the hole right above that one, then down through the hole diagonally to the lower right. Congratulations! You just made an “X.” Aren’t you proud of yourself?

Hey, cats: The string is moving.

Humans, after having made their first X, are now fully qualified to make more of them. The pattern will help you out here. You can put configurations of Xs in different shapes. Heck, you can even make ‘em different colors! Sooner or later, you’ll get the handmade, heirloom-quality equivalent of badly pixelated clip art.

Cats have similar artistic freedom at this point. They can crawl up the side of the couch and pounce the human from behind. Felines in a more sedate mood may choose to sit on a nearby pillow and swat at the string. The artistically inclined can opt to modify the stitches directly. Hey, the letter X is overrated, right?

Such multiple interpretations of the same art form allow us better insight into art itself. The human method could be construed to reflect our tendency to compress reality into tidy, manageable units that may not reflect the actual state of matters. The feline method accentuates the stigma of iconoclasm and the role of destruction in creation. Their awkward coexistence represents the struggle of man against nature and the daily perils we take for granted.

And, of course, a good reason to keep Band-Aids in one’s sewing kit.