How to Outfit a Dorm Room

As I am about to depart for college, I have been doing an extensive amount of research concerning what I need to bring with me, and I have found out that nobody on the internet knows anything about packing for college. But just to be safe, I’ll compare what I’ve already bought to this authoritative-looking list:

•Alarm clock. Check – there’s an alarm function on my phone.

•Bed linens/towels. Check and check, although I took the liberty of substituting bed flannels for the bed linens.

•Carpet/throw rug. I believe that this is included with the room, although you couldn’t really throw it unless you ripped it off the baseboard first.

•Chair/bean bag. Chairs are provided with the desks at Whitman. And who’re you calling a bean bag?

•Clothes drying rack. This is much like the clothes dryers already in the building, but designed for interrogating your clothes as they air out.

•Compact refrigerator. Can be rented from Walman or purchased from Whitmart. Or did I itch those swaround?

•Computer. Nah, I’ll be fine with an abacus and a printing press.

•Cup/mug/glass/plate/bowl/silverware. Do/I/need/all/of/these/or/can/I/just/bring/one/spoon/and/call/it/good?

•Dish soap. For washing your spoon in case your regular laundry detergent leaves it faded.

•Fan. The problem is picking which one of you to bring along.

•Fish. Or small aquatic turtles – Whitman allows both. Of course, the fish/turtles will need to live somewhere, so you might want to opt for the bowl instead of the spoon.

•Handi-Tak to hang posters. Y’know, just in case they don’t confess after you put them through the clothes drying rack.

•Hangers. Also, maybe, clothes.

•Iron. Or, if you’re a preppy sort of person, silver.

•Laundry bag. Hey, who’re you calling a laundry bag?

•Laundry detergent. In case the dish soap leaves hard-water marks on your jeans.

•Medicine. Because Advil is the only known cure for Mondays.

•Microwave (one cubic foot). Oh, horrors! The one I just bought is only 0.9 cubic feet and I can’t return it because it was on sale! NOOOOOOOO!

•Plants (real or fake). The real ones freshen the air. The fake ones conserve water. Grr!

•Radio/stereo. So I can blast Swedish folk music at all hours of the night.

•Rolls of quarters for laundry. Or bubblegum. Or ramen. Your choice.

•School supplies. I hate to say “duh”, but, well, “duh.”

•Sewing kit. In case the dorm inspector wants the thrown carpet back in place.

•Shower caddy. Unlike other caddies, does not need tipping.

•Telephone. Got one already.

•Toiletry items/soap dish. Because your shower caddy has to caddy something.

•TV/DVD player. In case you were tempted to study.