If Bernie Sanders Becomes President, I'm Going Back to College

I’m definitely not a socialist, but I’m still secretly hoping that Bernie Sanders wins the election this year, because if he does, I’m going to dump this newspaper gig and get myself back into the university. It’s going to be free, you know.

I loved going to college when I was young. It was one of my favorite times in life. Actually two of my favorite times. After I graduated the first time, I worked for a few years, then went back to graduate school, because that was way more fun, even though I went seriously into debt. (I got it paid off eventually, and it was definitely worth it.)

I was one of those special students who not only enjoyed the social life and partying, but also actually enjoyed going to class and learning stuff. And I managed to keep it together enough to get passing grades.

When I go back this time, I’ll probably take economics courses, like I did before. And I know that when I’m sitting there in my microeconomics class, one of the things the professor will talk about will be the “Theory of Demand.”

He’ll explain how that theory says that when something is expensive, only people who really need it and value it will be willing to pay for it. But if the price for that thing drops, people who value it less and have less need for it, will also now be willing to pay for it.

And there’s no doubt that the professor will go on to explain that when something becomes free, people who have little or no need for that thing will still go ahead and take advantage of it. Because, what the heck, there’s no harm in wasting something if it’s free.

Of course I may not even hear that lecture from the professor, because after all, it’s not like I’ll need to be there. I might just be staring around the room at the coeds (a lot of whom might be around my age…because, you know, it’s free). Or I might just sit there and play with my phone.

In a few more years, I’ll be eligible for Social Security. Then I can live off the government while I go to college for free.

I’m Feeling the Bern already!