The Cookie Chronicles

"Music soothes the savage beast" is a common expression with an uncommon history. It's a misquote from The Mourning Bride, a poem by William Congreve written in 1697, which opens "Musick hath charms to sooth a savage breast, to soften rocks, or bend a knotted oak."

I know little or nothing about savage breasts, but I have quite a lot of experience playing guitar for a wide variety of savage beasts, mostly cats. The right sort of music actually does seem to be soothing for them, although cats are not especially demonstrative about their likes, being mostly concerned with letting you know what they don't like.

Cookie on the other hand quite clearly enjoys a bit of acoustic guitar music, and it's become a nice little tradition for us to sit down after dinner while I run through some tunes. Most of the time she's more than happy to sit nearby and listen contentedly, at least until I plug in. Amplified guitar does not soothe the Beast, savage or otherwise. Just a note or two and she's up and out of the room, often leaving me with a discontented growl.

As mentioned in Chapter One, Winnie-the-Pooh was an early influence on my relationship with Cookie, and remains so. Pooh was especially fond of making up little rhymes or hums, as he called them. In times of anxiety they soothed him; when doing his stoutness exercises they motivated him; and when stumped for something to say, he'd sing something along the lines of 'Cottleston Pie.'

As much as Cookie enjoys music, she doesn't sing. Not even a little howl or arrooo or any other dog noises to accompany me. So instead we've taken up matching our ball time to songs that we both enjoy. I try to sing something that I think Cookie might like while chasing Mr. B. With baseball shut down I thought that "Take Me Out To The Ballgame" would both honor America's pastime and please the pup. I mean, it's ready made, right?

Take me out to the ball game,

Take me out with the crowd.

Buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jack-

Whoa! Stop right there. As soon as Cookie hears the word peanuts it's snack time and the ball game is over. So the search was on to find another tune.

Which got me thinking... how about Motown? Great songs, danceable classics. Remember 'My Girl' by the Temptations? You know it I'm sure. Just a couple of word changes and it's ball-chasing gold:

I've got sunshine on a cloudy day

When it's cold outside

I've got the month of May

Well I guess you'd say

What can make me feel this way?

My ball!

Talkin' 'bout my ball (my ball!)

Good stuff, but not perfect. I knew there had to be a perfect ball song out there, and it took a tragic accident to find it. Back in the Bad Cuz ball days (see Chapter Two) I'd occasionally get careless and accidentally launch one that would fly a bit erratically and get stuck way at the top of our 60 foot spruce. There was no possible way to get that ball back. I had to distract the dog with a song!

Digging deep into my old DJ memory, I remembered a bubble gum tune by a one-hit wonder band called the Cyrcle (yes that is how they spelled it). The tune was "Red Rubber Ball" and believe it or not it was co-written by Paul Simon (probably one he'd just as soon forget.) But sometimes a stupid song is the right song. If you're too young to know it, just YouTube it, and picture a bedraggled rubber ball stuck in a tree with a heartbroken dog staring up at it.

I should have known

You'd bid me farewell

There's a lesson to be learned from this

And I learned it very well

Now I know you're not the only

Starfish in the sea

If I never hear your name again

It's all the same to me

And I think it's gonna be alright

Yeah, the worst is over now

The morning sun is shining

Like a red rubber ball!

As far as I know, that ball is still somewhere at the top of that tree, but Cookie moved on long ago. Yes, the worst is over now. And music does indeed soothe the savage beast.