My Songs

While playing tennis and chasing tennis balls at Waitsburg High School, a song from “My Fair Lady” played through my head. “Why can’t a woman be more like a man?” became “Why can’t a tennis court be more like a bowling alley?” Or even a pool table. Bowling alleys and pool tables have bumpers, gutters, and pockets that return the balls to you. Tennis courts were not designed for easy ball retrieval.

I was constantly chasing tennis balls as they landed on the other court, under the fence, in the parking lot, on the school lawn, and in the street. I realize that being a better player would help, but still, the court could use a better design.

As I thought of different ways to change and improve the design of tennis courts, a different song played in my head. “If I ruled the world,” and if so, there would be other changes besides court redesign that I would implement.

First, the obvious; world peace, thin thighs, and zero-calorie wine.

Next, how about a better way to identify slugs? In Washington (or maybe just Waitsburg), slugs don’t live in shells. In Los Angeles, it was easy to spot a slug in your garden. They look like escargot without the garlic and butter. They poke their heads out of the shells, and you immediately know it’s a slug. But here, I have difficulty distinguishing the slugs from earthworms. I swear they are mating and producing a strange new plant-eating hybrid.

Are those bees or hoverflies? Both buzz and dive-bomb flowers, but how do I know if I can greet them with open arms as they pollinate or get stung? Maybe there are identifying marks I can’t see, so I just keep my distance from whatever black and yellow insect is hovering in the flowers. I would, at the least, switch up the color combinations.

Is it a weed or a flower? Last year, I thought I had a foolproof system separating the weeds from the flowers. My brilliant idea was to plant lots of wildflower seeds to bring pollinators pretty flowers and leave no room for weeds. When everything started to bloom, I planned on using a plant-identifying app on my phone. After taking hundreds of pictures to determine if I had plants or weeds, the weeds won!

Another mystery to ponder is how a twelve-pound dog can take up half of a king-size bed? I know that I am not the only dog owner that questions this. Of course, one solution is to keep the dog out of the bed, but we know that’s not realistic for many of us. So, how do I make the bed bigger or the dog smaller?

Men and their reliance on power tools is another question I ponder. If I need to tighten a screw, I use a screwdriver, and voila’, the job is done. Men aren’t satisfied with the job unless they’ve powered up the drill with a screwdriver attachment. Why? Tight is tight in my book.

On the bright side, Mother Nature has been unusually cooperative the past two months. Daniel and I have hosted two Sunday brunches in April and May. Both days had great weather but were sandwiched between Saturdays and Mondays, which were brutal. Obviously, food is as important to Mother Nature as it is to us.

World peace and no senseless killings take priority, and I wish I could do more. But meanwhile, I’ll ponder bugs, weeds, power tools, and hope for zero-calorie wine.